Take time to learn anal massage for pleasure, communication and more. For more info on coaching visit For adult how-to videos …
Nikki: Hi, I'm Sex Coach Nikki and today we're
going to do an anal exploration session all
about anal pleasure.
I have my exploratory couple with me and what
we're going to do is go over the session and
some points that we want to talk about just
to kind of show you what you can talk about
when you're exploring and experimenting and
also what it would be like if you wanted to
have a session with me.
So, thank you for being here.
Male Participant: You're welcome.
Tina: Thank you for inviting us.
Nikki: First, I want to talk about your desires
and your goals.
So what is the … your main desire, what
you want to get out of this experience?
So we'll go with Tina first.
Tina: My main desire is to bring him to a
state of pure pleasure and to give him a new
experience all the time.
Nikki: Thank you.
What's your desire in this session?
What do you want to get out of this session?
Male Participant: I want to get out of this
session the ability to relax and also for
Tina to get practice so she knows what she's
doing.
Nikki: Awesome.
I think we can achieve those.
Male Participant: All right.
Tina: I think we can.
Nikki: All right.
So let's talk about boundaries.
So do … so as a giver, do you have any boundaries
that you'd like to share?
Tina: As a giver I don't believe I have any
boundaries with my partner right now.
We're pretty open with each other and, you
know, we trust each other completely.
Nikki: Awesome, okay.
As a receiver, do you have any boundaries?
Male Participant: No, I …
Nikki: This is probably like the only boundary
place, right?
Male Participant: Right.
We're partners in real life, so I'm comfortable
with Tina and I trust her and she trusts me.
So I have no boundaries.
Nikki: Awesome.
All right, so let's talk about preparing for
anal play.
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: Some people do like to do an enema,
and I do have some videos on YouTube about
how to do the enema.
Basically the only place that you're going
to be reaching when you're doing prostate
massage and anal massage is usually going
to be the rectum and feces is not stored in
that area, but some people want it to be super
clean, so you can do the Fleet enema for that.
The other thing is to … I always recommend
gloves.
Not only for cleanliness, but also for quick
cleanup.
There is a difference, right.
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: Like it's … some people don't mind
going in bare, with nothing on their hands,
like they're not worried about cleanliness,
that's what I mean by cleanliness.
What I mean by quick cleanup though is in
the event … it's like sometimes you play
in the backyard, you're going to get muddy.
So in the event there is something, some mess,
it's so much nicer to just be able to take
off the gloves inside out and set them to
the side and not have to like get up and run
to the bathroom in the middle of your erotic
session.
Tina: Yes.
Male Participant: Isn't the first time we
had leftovers.
Nikki: Oh, ew.
Well, thank you very much for that.
So that's the gloves issue and I always recommend
if you don't have gloves handy, you can use
a condom actually and just put your fingers
in a condom.
So those are gloves and make sure you don't
get the kind that have texture.
A lot of examination gloves for doctors are
textured on the tip.
Male Participant: Oh.
Nikki: Yeah, so you want to make sure to get
vinyl or latex that's not textured and that
it's a good fit so you don't have a lot of
wrinkles on your fingers because the wrinkles
also add texture and the anus is that sensitive,
the anal canal can feel those wrinkles.
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: The only other thing is lubrication.
So you want to use lubrication according to
your adventures that you're having next.
So I find the best lubrication to use is the
silicone-based lubrication because it doesn't
get absorbed by the skin usually very quickly
at all.
So using silicone you can apply and keep applying
it as you're stretching the sphincters, but
you don't have to … it's not going to dry
out and get sticky and that's what happens
generally with water-based lube.
If you're using … If you're going to be
using a condom, then you can use a silicone-based
lube and you don't want to use anything oil-based.
So it's like there's a little bit of … like,
okay, if you're going to use a condom, use
a water-base or silicone-base.
If you're going to use a silicone toy, you
can use oil-based or water-based, but not
silicone-based.
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: If you're going to go bare, you can
use anything you want that feels good, which
I recommend oil- or silicone-based.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: What … I'm going to … My goal is
to keep it to about half-an-hour for the session
time, okay.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: And what we're going to do during this
session is we're going to get in position,
we're going to have the receiver laying face
down on their stomach and Tina is going to
sit in between your legs facing you.
We might need to prop up your hips or we might
need to put pillows underneath you to give
a firmer position.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: The main thing is to get into a position
that you can maintain for up to a half-hour
without limbs falling asleep.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Okay, so that's really important.
Some people might want to try incorporating
a chair, which we even talked about.
If at some point you guys feel like you need
a change, maybe you being on your knees and
Tina either standing behind you or sitting
on a chair behind you just as a change.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: So definitely at home, remember pillows
are your friend, props, propping up, physical
props are definitely helpful.
Now let's talk about communication.
Okay, there's a couple of techniques that
I want you employ.
The number one technique is called safe-porting.
Safe-porting is when you tell someone what
you're going to do before you do it.
So, consent has already been given, right?
We're doing anal massage, the receiver has
said yes, we have gone over boundaries, all
of this.
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: However, what I found in giving, especially
anal massage, is that there still can be some
tension because you don't know when penetration
is going to happen, you're not sure when something's
going to happen.
So step-by-step, because this is practice
and exploration, you're going to say, "Okay,
I'm going to touch your butt now.
I'm going to rub your hips now.
I'm going to go into the crease now by your
tailbone."
Like each step of the way say what you're
going to do.
You're not asking permission, but you are
going to give it just one or two beats before
you do it so that in the event he needs to
say "wait" or "I'm not ready," he can.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: So it's just like, "I'm going to touch
you now," beat, beat, touch.
So you are telling him what you're going to
do, not asking for permission, we've already
gotten permission.
Make sense?
Male Participant: Right.
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: Okay.
The other thing is requests and offers.
So there's a … in making offers, there's
a very specific formula.
You want your offers to be yes or no questions.
So you want it to be a very simple offer.
"Would you like me to go harder?"
Yes or no.
"Would you like me to go to the left?
Are you ready for me to go to the next position?"
These are all yes or no questions that way
the receiver doesn't have to think very hard
about their answer and they're able to stay
in their body and stay with sensation.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Now, the receiver can make requests,
but again, be specific.
So, "Can you stay in that position longer?
Can you move to the next position?"
Male Participant: Do the requests have to
be formed for it to be answered with a yes
or a no?
Nikki: No, they don't, but they could be.
Male Participant: The simpler the better though.
Nikki: The simpler the better, and also I
would say make sure they're in the form of
a request and not a command or a demand.
Male Participant: Okay.
Nikki: It really changes the feel if you're
making a demand versus a request or a command.
So saying 'could you' and 'thank you' is nice.
Now, let's say so much is going on and you
need to talk about it or work it out or something
is feeling weird and it's not a quick thing,
you can say, "I need to pause so we can talk."
So then you can talk, especially if emotions
come up.
I'm not anticipating that happening with you
two, but in the event emotions are coming
up, things are weird, you don't quite know,
you've kind of lost your place where you are,
that's fine to stop it at anytime and say,
"Hey, I need to pause so we can talk," and
just be clear whether you want her to stay
in or to come out for that pause.
On that note, as slowly as you go in, you
also have to come out that slowly as well.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: A lot of people go fast on that part
by accident.
So you guys pretty good on the communication
style?
Male Participant: Mm-hmm (affirmative)
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: Okay.
Afterward, we will do a review of what was
good and what could have been better so you
don't have to give a whole lot of feedback,
like thinking, in the moment.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: You're going to have opportunity afterward
to do that.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: All right, so the next thing is the
actual practice.
So I will … what I teach is to work from
the outside in and so we will have you starting
with some light touch, touching the glutes,
the hips, the lower back and then the coccyx
area, the bony triangle above your butt cheeks,
and then we'll go into the crease and massaging
the muscles up and down the crease.
One thing is you want to look for what's called
the resilient edge of resistance.
So, this is when … this is going to inform
your pressure, okay?
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Now, of course, you could always ask,
"Can you go harder or can you go softer?"
Right?
Male Participant: Right.
Nikki: But generally the amount of pressure
you want to use is … go ahead and hold your
hand out and use your finger, and you want
to use the pad of your finger, not the tip,
and go ahead and start pressing on the pad
of your hand until you feel equal and opposite
pressure pressing back on your fingertip.
Tina: Yes, I feel it.
Nikki: So that's the resilient edge of resistance.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: So when you feel the firm resistance,
that's a stop point because that is where
he's tight and he needs to relax to let you
penetrate farther.
Tina: Okay.
At that point, do I ask him to relax?
Nikki: I would say you can if he's just not
relaxing on his own.
I would give it a moment just to let your
touch sink in.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: You're working in a part of the body
… well, anywhere in the body, it's like
it takes time for a sensation to sink in and
so give it some time and if you don't feel
him relaxing … well, we'll be doing breathing
also, so the breathing is going to help with
the relaxing.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: You'll see on the exhale, you'll be
able to sink your finger in the direction
that you're going.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Yeah.
So that's the way, when you're doing the exploration,
is use the, like the face of a clock.
So with the receiver being face down, toward
the tailbone would be noon, toward the prostate
would be six, and then we have 3:00 and 9:00.
So that way you both know what direction you're
going and where you are to communicate.
So basically what we'll do once we start getting
to the sphincters is say, "Okay, I'm going
to press toward 3:00.
Take a deep breath, inhale," and then on the
exhale you're going to push.
As you feel it release it's going to open
up like that.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Okay, and then you're going to hold
it for a couple of normal breaths, then you
go to the center and then you go down and
you do it there.
Tina: I see.
Nikki: Okay?
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: With the breathing.
So-
Tina: I have a question.
Nikki: Yeah.
Tina: When we're doing that and our finger
is just barely inserted inside, do we just
use the whole finger to push down or just
the tip of our finger to push down?
Nikki: Okay, so if you're only in in between
the first and … the inner and the outer
sphincter, then you're only going to use the
part where you're touching.
Tina: The tip, okay.
Nikki: And then as you're deeper, then you're
going to use this entire surface area of the
pad.
Tina: I see, okay.
Nikki: And then when you go to the next … can
you hold that?
Male Participant: Sure.
Nikki: You go to the next depth, then you
would use that much.
Tina: The whole … all right.
Nikki: Does that make sense?
Tina: Yes, very much.
Nikki: So you're like continually loosening
the muscles and relaxing the muscle more and
more.
Tina: Okay, very good.
Thank you.
Nikki: You're welcome.
So when you're doing the exploration, you
would do all four points first with just the
tip in, see if you can identify the inner
and the outer sphincters.
Then you would sink it into the first knuckle
and you tell them before you do it.
Like, "Now I'm sinking into the first knuckle,"
and do all the four points with the breathing
and then sink it into the second knuckle,
do it again.
This is giving him a lot of relaxation time,
this is stretching him, and also exploring
to make sure there's no parts that are painful
or hurt.
Also to make sure there's enough lubrication
because as the sphincter opens, there's more
surface area, so you'll have to keep adding
lubrication to make sure.
So the way you do that is you just squirt
some on the tailbone and then take your finger
out, rub it, and then go back-
Tina: In.
Okay.
Nikki: Yeah, so you're just like pushing more
and more in as you go.
Tina: Okay, right.
Nikki: The last thing is we're going to be
doing … working on pacing, which has to
do with following sensation and what we call
'peeking'.
So during the exploration phase, you will
have a lot more communication as far as if
you feel like there's more pleasure to be
had and I think that's the thing to focus
on.
At each place, once we get inside deep, we're
going to go to all the spots on the clock,
not just those four.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Okay, so your finger's going to be
all the way inside crooked.
We'll get 6:00, then 7:00, then 8:00, but
you want to stroke the same area for as long
as it feels good.
So for pacing, you want to be paying attention.
This is still sensational, this is still sensational,
oh, that's a little less sensational.
I'm going to move to 7:00.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: And then you move to 7:00 and you stroke
there and so this is massaging your pelvic
floor muscles from the inside out and you
can really pull on those and you're going
to be pulling from the inside out, again,
looking for that resilient edge of resistance,
but going to the point where you feel like
you've stroked all the pleasure out that's
available from that spot.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Yeah.
Tina: All right.
Nikki: The other thing you can do is, "I'm
going to go to 7:00."
Go to it and say, "Does that feel like 7:00
to you," and get his feedback so that he's
also increasing his mind-body connection.
Tina: Okay, good.
Nikki: Yeah.
So the last thing is, probably one of the
most important, is not being goal-oriented,
okay.
The goal is exploration, knowledge, experimentation,
practice.
Male Participant: Okay.
Nikki: I am going to give you guys 10 minutes
of just free play after we do all the pleasure
mapping and going around on the clock so that
if you are able to climax and you want to,
you can, but that's not the goal.
The goal is experimenting and exploring in
a session like this, and what's so good about
this is now you'll know his body so that during
lovemaking, you'll already know a lot of this
and then you can … if your goal is climax,
you can have that as a goal, or you … you
know, you'll already have a lot more of a
foundation laid.
Male Participant: Right.
Tina: Okay.
Nikki: Okay.
Tina: Very good.
Nikki: All right, do you guys have any questions
for me?
Tina: No, I'm ready.
Nikki: Ready to get naked?
Tina: Yes.
Nikki: Awesome.
Male Participant: Sure.
Nikki: All right.
For those of you watching on YouTube, go ahead
and check out my video website, nikkislessons.com,
that's where I'll be posting the actual session
where I will walk Tina through step-by-step
on giving anal and prostate massage to her
partner.
All right, make it a sexy day.

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