Honesty as Confession – Aisha Salem
In this video extract from the online course “TRUE INTIMACY & THE HARMONY OF MAN AND WOMAN” Aisha speaks about the deepest integrity in the intimate …
So the deepest integrity in the intimate relationship,
as well as everywhere else,
but it is to listen, to respond, with
I could say a clarity to the situation, I could say
a depth of love which continuously and in every
second wraps up whatever is going on
to bring home to oneself what is here and
to be willing to meet the other where he or she is
and when I say meet the other
I don't me disappear into and I don't mean
being mixed up in each other but I also don't mean making a separation which closes the connection.
So there is an actual invitation for us
as consciousness to become so inside quiet
that we can stay with an openness of heart in a way which doesn't mix up and doesn't separate.
So it's right, it's right there, that silent point in the
middle where we both are individuals and one being.
Where the belly in its recognition and realization
of us being individual human beings,
where that is not separated from
the hearts reality of us being one.
And for us to be able to actually move with this we need to have the head along also
which needs to be sufficiently empty for us
to be able to hold ourselves in the silence
where we can tell what from what. Yeah.
So in that sense it's almost like
the expanse of mind which can be attained
during meditation during dropping into silence
that that can be brought in as benefit to the relationship
through a deep dropping in and down
because the stronger we are as that silence
the stronger we have recognized and realized
ourselves as that silence
or in some cases the less we fight that silence,
it kind of depends on where we're at,
but the deeper that that silence can
drop in and down the more we're able to
hear what's going on in a way as to respond in honesty.
To respond in the honesty and the
integrity of what is actually going on.
So what does that invite?
That invites of course two things
It invites complete honesty,
complete honesty with ourselves
and inside of that, like, this sweet little twist
I want to bring into the equation which is
Because what we usually do
from the place of our self-protection
is that we defend what's going on, you see,
something is going on in the depths
and if we're not moving with the deepest
commitment then that twist that happens
on top of the wounding it becomes an
identity and this identity its only goal
is to defend itself and if it is
defending itself there can be no
intimacy there can be no honesty and
there can be no confession
so a great way to move into an even deeper
intimacy together is to be there
to have the nuts and the guts in a way to break
this pattern of self-defence
and that actually means to be willing to
admit when we're like completely fucked up
to be willing to admit when we are
okay actually right now I'm noisy
like right now there's noise in my system and
that noise that is always an objection to something.
You see if there is a willingness to be in
that field of confession together,
I'm not talking about like sitting
with a hand on the Bible or anything
I'm just talking about the willingness to be vulnerable enough, to be honest about our human state.
Because as outset we have this idea that it's not okay that we're broken and yet we are all fucking broken.
You see, we are all defending against showing that brokenness, so what needs to happen is,
Oh! We can actually enter into a place of
being where, and it's not a place,
it's right here, but it's like enter a state
of willingness, I would say to be exposed.
Of course, it requires a deep field of
trust and a willingness to intimacy
I mean it doesn't work that one is willing to be
intimate and honest and the other is deeply hiding
but if we are saying Yes to each other and we're like taking each other's hands like this
we need to do it from that commitment to truth and we need to both do it from that commitment to truth
because it's the only way we can grow together and if
we're not growing together we're growing apart.
That's the reality of it, simply.
So this little confession tip,
that was another key actually
and the key of it is that we are so used
to inner consciousness defending
that what we can do is that we can agree
that okay actually we're gonna turn this around
and we're gonna turn it around by
opening that door of confession like
opening actually the door of cooperation on what's going on
because if one is broken, it's not like,
okay you know that's your problem
like – pppfffttt – kind of like that and it doesn't
mean either that the other should like
come towards us from that place of like
wanting the other to take responsibility for us
so it is a dance like that yeah
it's a dance of being willing to meet ourselves
but without separating ourselves from the other
as well as it's a dance to be willing
to be love with and for each other.