Nachrichten aus Berlin, Hagen & Mailand | Die LATELY NEWS vom 03. Juli 2020
Mit aktuellen Nachrichten aus Berlin, Hagen & Mailand und die LATELY FAKE NEWS KARTE an das Fake News Medium der Woche! Und dafür sorgen wir …
Today on LATELY NEWS
A 32-year-old man in Moscow held
for the real Batman and built his
Unfortunately, the Moscow police found it totally
well-LOL, when the fake Batman switched it to
the red square and dragged the
russian Batmobil, one with Edding black
painted Lada, immediately.
"Shit," thought the Russian Batman,
"if only I had enough money in my
Bat-belt attached for parking meter."
Even more right now with the NEWS, after the trailer!
From the capital city news studios in Berlin
Here is Berlin with the only true news broadcast
this world and the next.
This is LATELY NEWS!
everything else out there is fake news!
And tonight with me again, of course,
Florian Strzeletz, known from countless
Radio advertisements of the pharmacies Umschau, because
I am the voice behind Sky du Mont.
Besides, if you think that's as cool as
…be like me, then punch your fist in the
subscription button and the bell, because only in this way
we have the chance to broadcast [RTL2 News]
to continue to hang on to its quotas!
So let's start… with the news
Everybody has their vices.
For one, it's chocolate, for the other
other sour licorice.
Personally, I have no vices, otherwise
this would be a trucking company, too, and
not a legitimate news broadcast.
At least when the camera's not on.
That one's vice may be your undoing
a 23-year-old man in Berlin-Wedding
Because this one had been noticed by a police patrol,
because he wasn't walking normally, he was walking
Turns out he walked so funny,
because he put 10 pounds of gummy bears in his
I had stuffed my underpants.
Which in itself is not a crime now, because
Jelly babies have been getting that way for years.
flavoured at Haribo final.
Nevertheless, the officers stopped the man and
asked him where he got all those gummy bears
However, he could not give a conclusive answer to this question.
It became even more astonishing when behind
the man was limped by a Haribo Gold Bear,
with a cut on the abdomen from the
Gummy bears were flowing.
The man was immediately arrested and the
Haribo Gold Bear freed from his suffering.
In front of a cheering school class,
who then attacked the Haribo Gold Bear.
Meanwhile in HAGEN
I told you once before that my
Aunt Erna again and again while parking the
one or the other car likes to take along.
This is usually doubly annoying because then
on her lobster super small and only under
are scratches visible to the microscope.
While the other cars are totalled.
But Aunt Erna wasn't stupid, because she
has of course with a good insurance
And in her case, that's the fact that
she is the Consul General of the West Indies
That means she's above the law,
thanks to her diplomatic immunity as Consul General!
However, no diplomatic immunity had
a man in Hagen, who damages another car
but instead of his social security number.
only one napkin on the windshield
of the damaged car,
Had to swerve and I'm currently short
Cashier [sad emoji]."
That's totally uncool, of course.
scribbled napkin after an accident
A decent person would have at least
scrawled on the back of a sales slip
and leave the napkin to cry into!
Meanwhile in Milan
Italy is not only known for its super delicious
Food known but also for its mafia.
Which is unfortunately not as cool as the American
Mafia, as seen in the Martin Scorsese documentary
"Fievel the Mouse Walker."
Still a gnarly scene where Joe Pesci
is led into a garage because he thinks
finally a full-fledged member of the Mafia to
a so-called Mice Man, and give him
then Feivel's brothers from behind in the head
But that even criminals can be nice
a caravan owner on the outskirts of town experienced
of Milan, when one morning he went to his
caravan returned and found that
someone broke the padlock on the trailer
Surprised, the man realized that nothing
had been stolen and even on the small
Sideboard next to the door a new padlock
And that reminded me of another scene
from Martin Scorsese's "Fievel the Mouse Walker",
where Feivel together with his teacher Mausenberg
was cooking crystal meth in a trailer.
I'm dying to see "Fievel the Mouse Walker"
…to look at it again.
the FAKE NEWS medium of the week is this
The pleasure magazine
Because it has been shown that "failing"
pleasure -Magazine is just crammed with
There are few things that give me more pleasure
than bringing things to the supermarket every day
and not to pay.
And there's no better distraction for that,
than to claim that the grandma back there
has packets of toilet paper.
Then when everyone's throwing themselves at Grandma,
because even in hard times you have to try
to have some human contact, I can
I'm gonna pack my cart full of
important things in life that give me pleasure
Craftsman's magazines and canned brussels sprouts.
Because if the world ever breaks down
should be, these are the two most important things
in the apocalypse.
Brussels sprouts serve as a biological warfare agent,
to ward off any possible looters.
And you need tradesmen's magazines
to acquire the knowledge to be able to
to build pleasure domes.
Where, in the end, "two go in
and they both come out happy!"
But unfortunately after reading the pleasure
-Magazine nobody from the pleasure -Dome satisfied
Therefore, be warned pleasure magazine!
The dark yellow LATELY FAKE NEWS card to
you and you are now a literary
Weapons in the armory in case of emergency!
That was the Latley News… See you later.
again… on Monday…
Everything else out there is fake news.
The LATELY NEWS with Florian Strzeletz
Everything else is fake news!