Looking for new things to try in bed? Learn from sex coaches Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman how to spice up your sex life with fun, adventurous ideas for …
– Welcome, welcome everyone.
I'm Danielle.
(laughs)
– And I'm Celeste.
And we're the founders
The Somatica Institute
of Sex and Relationship Coaching.
The Institute offers
trainings for professionals
to become certified as sex
and relationship coaches.
And it's also a place where people go
to do powerful growth
around their own lives,
in the realm of sex and relationships.
– And today we wanted to
tackle the topic of intercourse
and wanna play with it,
and then have a unique conversation.
– Think outside of the box.
Because I think, you know,
a lot of times the reason
that people get kind of bored
or uninterested in their sex life,
is just like, they keep
just doing the same thing
over and over again.
And also, if you're gonna be a sex coach
or a sex and relationship coach,
you really need to be able to help people
think outside the box.
Do new things with the things
that they've been doing all along.
And I think especially
because sometimes people
get used to something
and they're like, that's
their comfort zone.
And you're like, okay,
well, you can still do that.
But what if you did it like this?
You know, just to sort of like,
have a bridge to add something to.
But also as a sex coach,
you really need to be
able to talk to people
about all different kinds
of sexual practices.
And to hear people talk about
all different kinds of sexual practices
and the sort of desires
or feelings they want
underneath them.
Whether it's something that
would turn you on or not,
you need to be able to bring
your celebration and enthusiasm
to their desires.
So I think that's something
that we really practice
in Somatica –
– how to talk about sex really
openly and enthusiastically,
and how to hear about all
different kinds of experiences
and practices really openly
and enthusiastically.
– It doesn't mean you need to know
about all the sexual practices
that your clients know.
People come up with really, certain things
that I've never heard about,
but then the enthusiasm
and the curiosity is like,
"oh my God, tell me more about that"
is always the way that
we approach our clients
and approach their desires and
interests around sexuality.
– Or you like the idea
of just becoming way more
comfortable talking about it.
It really can be amazing
to do a sex and relationship
coaching training
so that you can get that kind of comfort.
– There's a big difference
between like offering tips
and tricks.
And there's a way that
we do it in Somatica,
which is really trying to
fit it to who they are,
and fit it to what turns them on.
It's always good to have a good variety
and we're gonna offer it here.
But as we're doing that,
it's really important
to check with the people
that we are working with
and hopefully you one day
are going to be working with.
What is it that turn you on?
Why does it turn you on about this act?
Why does it turn you on psychologically
when you do this position?
Or what turns you on when
you try something new
and you imagine it?
So it's really about matching
what turns people on.
We have our wonderful
book "Coming Together"
that helps people figure
out what turns them on.
We also have other webinars
that talk about that.
So we're not gonna talk about it here,
but we do want you to know
that it comes in combination
to that component.
And not just like,
everyone should do all
the stuff that we offer.
It's like, no, no,
let's see what really turns you on.
– We already have a fantastic comment.
I think being able to talk
about things that may or may not
be your cup of tea is also
great for relationships.
So you can talk with your
partner without shaming them.
And that is exactly true.
You know, especially if you're beginning
to have a conversation about like,
how do we spice it up?
You wanna be open to
hear all of their ideas,
but then you can still decide
what you want to do or not do.
You know when people think
about the intercourse,
they look at it as this trajectory.
You start with a little bit of kissing,
then you move to like a little
bit of nipple stimulation,
then you move to, maybe oral sex,
then you move to intercourse
and then you kind of done.
But we wanna look at it
as the start and stop way,
which is like, oh my God,
we do all those things.
We make art, we talk sexy,
we tell each other what turns us on,
we go down on each other,
then maybe intercourse
but maybe pull it out
and try some oral sex
and then maybe pull it out again
and try some fingering
with oral sex
or some vibrators.
So don't look at
intercourse as this, like,
the final frontier that
you're trying to get to.
Just use it as one tool in your tool box.
– Yeah, and I love the idea
of starting and stopping
because it takes away this like
goal orientation around sex.
Like we're just trying to get.
And a lot of times when it's just like,
especially with like
heterosexual intercourse,
if it's just, you know,
like, let's just try to
get each other to come.
And often times, you know, if
the man happens to come first,
then that'll be the end, no matter what.
And the woman is just like, okay,
I guess not this time for me.
But if you think of it as like,
something where you can start,
and then go into like some fingering,
and then come back out
and go into some licking,
and maybe then you you'll just come out
and you like roll around and play.
And somebody says a bit of
tease and denial never hurts.
Which I agree.
That's exactly what this offers.
Is this feeling of like teasing
and playing with the sensations
and playing with the energy.
And you can see like, ooh,
maybe we do one orgasm with
this kind of stimulation.
Well, if your partner is multi-orgasmic.
One orgasm with this kind of stimulation
and make it a little
bit more of like a dance
or a playful game.
– Another great option is tonguing it.
It means like using your
tongue instead of your dick.
Anywhere you use the dick,
put your tongue in, first or more,
you know, and even better,
like put your tongue in one place,
use your nose for the other direction,
use a vibrator on your clit.
Like all those things and not
just like put your dick in.
– And I think a lot of times
people think of like tongue
sex as more like licking.
Like licking a clitoris or licking an anus
or something like that.
But, you know, you can do tongue fucking
and that's where you like put it in
and you, you know,
like either the person who is receiving
can like move up and down on the tongue
or the person giving can like
put their tongue in and out.
Another one to play with
is, guess what's going in.
And that's when you put a
blindfold on your partner
and then you have a
whole assortment of toys,
plus you have your fingers and
your tongue and your penis,
if you have one or dildos
or both, you know, toys.
Vibrating G-spot toys
if you're doing it with
someone who has a vagina.
And you kind of put all of the toys down
and even if you want to get wild,
like a very clean toe
could be something that
you could put inside.
And then your partner has to like,
just tune into sensation
and they have to guess like,
what is going in right now?
Or they can tell you like,
oh, I like the way this feels.
And maybe not so much that one.
So can you do more of this?
So you can do a little like,
what is my favorite
instrument of intercourse?
And, and then like, do I want
different kinds of pressures
because the cool thing about fingers,
for example, for intercourse,
is that you can like,
really do different kinds of stimulation.
So you can say, oh, do you
like your G-spot stimulated
or do you like your, all
the way in your cervix?
Or do you like your asshole stimulated,
inserted inside
or, you know, with anal
toys or something like that.
So it can be like a little bit of like,
guess what is going in
and also preference.
Like which things I like
the best and how fast,
or like how deep or slow
do I want them, you know.
It can be a little like
a workshopping game.
– Yeah. Also want to say, kind of like,
if you're just using your
cock to please your partner,
you missing out on even
yourself developing sensations
in your hands, that can
kind of track pleasure
with your partner.
And kind of your tongue,
can it feel the pleasure?
So it can expand on your
ability to experience pleasure
in your body that's not just cock-centric.
– Well, I think we've talked about
that intercourse can be done
with all different things, right?
So like, but with what?
What are you having intercourse with?
And I think the automatic thought is like,
okay, you know, we live in a
very heterosexual paradigm.
So the idea is often of like
a penis going in and out
of a vagina,
but you can have oral intercourse,
vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse.
And like we talked about,
you can use all different toys
and different things to play with, so…
And you can have all of
them on the same night,
if you want.
Like, you might want to
do vaginal intercourse,
oral intercourse, anal intercourse.
But make sure you leave anal for the end
because you can't do anal after…
I mean, you can't do oral
or vaginal after anal.
Unless you take like a nice,
soapy shower in between.
So you wanna leave anal for the end
if you're gonna do all three of them.
And I think one of the, like, one really-
– One more, use a condom for anal
if you are.
Or use a condom for all of them
and switch condoms
or use condoms for anal.
If you're not using
condoms with your partner,
take it off afterwards. Yeah.
– And one like fun fantasy with that,
that people like,
can either make them feel
like dirty or naughty
or received or powerful,
is to go from like, vaginal to oral.
So you might like the feeling of, like,
licking your own juices off.
Like that might feel like
very, like, self-empowering.
Like, I love the way that I taste.
Or you might like the idea
of like making someone
lick juices off of you.
Like, oh, you need to clean
up the mess that you made
or something like that.
So people like different
kinds of fantasies underneath,
and you can see there's like
the physiological arousal
of like just intercourse or
G-spot or something like that.
But then there's the
psychological arousal of like,
what is this making you feel?
So that can be a fun way to
play from vaginal intercourse
to oral intercourse,
and play with like the juices
and you know what's happening
with the juices afterwards.
– Wonderful.
Thank you so much.
We're so excited that you joined us today.
If you liked what we are doing here,
join us for the next webinar,
as well as subscribe
to our YouTube channel
and like it,
because you're gonna get all those reruns
on the YouTube feed.
So we can't wait to have more of you and-
– And our YouTube channel
is Celeste and Danielle.
– Yes.
Thank you.
So, we can't wait to see more of you.
(blows kisses)
– Bye.

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