From an incident with Rhett’s mom to digestive dilemmas to driving on the wrong side of the road and more, R&L come back from their summer vacations with …
Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link.
And I'm Rhett.
This week at the round
table of dim lighting,
we are asking the question,
what happened in Thailand
and the UK?
And we should know.
'Cause we were there.
Yes and this is a–
For the past two weeks
we were on vacation.
And as is normal,
we haven't talked to each
other in any great detail
about what we did because we
wanted to save it for this
and I would say these are as
extensive as any vacations
we ever been on and as a result,
we gotta talk about both of 'em.
We're actually gonna
do this over the course
of two episodes.
Let's make it a six parter.
Over the next six weeks–
And I wanna be clear–
Rhett and Link slowly
and painfully unravel their vacation–
We probably could do that
but we're not gonna do that
and we're doing it as two
parts not because we're trying
to milk as much as we can,
but how can I put this?
Something happened on my
vacation, the Scotland part
with my mom–
That deserves–
I don't wanna, I don't
know exactly what happened
but I don't want to short
circuit or cut short the–
Yeah.
That tale.
It deserves its own place, its own story
and just–
It was bad.
What happened wasn't good.
No it wasn't.
It wasn't–
It seemed like your–
Well this is a teaser.
And this is for not this episode, sorry.
This is for the next episode–
Doing a deep tease.
This is for the next episode,
so I don't know how far
we're gonna get with your
vacation, my vacation
and I don't want the
second episode to just be
about what happened to
my mom because I'm sure
there'll be stuff that you
still wanna talk about,
stuff that I wanna talk about,
I'm just saying that
we're saving that story
for the second one and
we're gonna just kinda cover
what happened and explore.
We'll just kinda bop,
and we'll bop back and forth–
And I got notes, man.
With all the stuff
that happened on our vacations.
I have notes every once in awhile but–
I have notes.
This is,
I'm gonna be referencing
my notes because–
Dang, weren't you there?
Yeah but so many things happened.
Okay well let me just quickly,
I'll just summarize what I did.
Okay move your notes out so
it seems like you're not,
so you're off book.
No, this is my side of the table, okay.
I could put up a barrier.
Hey I'm just trying
to help you out, man.
Don't reach across
to my side of the table.
I'm just trying
to help you out.
What happens on my side
of the table's my business.
And you know what, it stays
on your side of the table.
Okay yeah, you just reached across
and grabbed my notes, man.
Well put up a barrier.
So we can't see each other.
I mean it's a podcast, we
don't need to see each other.
Except for the video version.
There are some podcasts
where they're like in
different places in the nation
or the world.
Those are really awkward though.
So–
And this isn't?
As you know, I took my family,
my family being my
immediate family, my wife
and kids but also my brother, his wife,
their four kids and my parents.
This was a long-awaited and
planned trip to the homeland
of Scotland and the whole
idea was to spend a week
in Scotland with them which we did,
going to three different
places in Scotland
and then we dropped them
at the airport after a week
and then just the California
McLaughlins continued
on down through the UK,
stopping into England.
Stopping in York and then the Cotswolds,
a day in Oxford.
It's so funny that all of
the places that you're naming
are so different sounding than
all the places that I went.
Oh yeah we had definitely
opposite vacations.
I mean I guess I could
have been in like Greenland
or Antarctica or something but,
and then London which
of course we've been to
and then you spent a
weekend and I've got some,
I got some developed
thoughts about London now.
Oh yeah?
So I wanna compare notes,
literally compare notes
with you because you
spent a week there but–
You went to so many places
you had to look at your notes
to remember even that.
Well six different lodgings in two weeks
which is a lot.
Yeah I'm excited
to hear about it.
You, as a McLaughlin, you went back
to the McLaughlin epicenter
with all the McLaughlins.
That was the idea, yeah.
Then the idea was that
was supposed to be special
so I guess the big question
that I'm gonna ask you now–
Oh it was very special.
Oh don't answer.
Very special.
But was it, let's find out.
Not special, it was special–
Let's find out.
In a particular way.
Over this and the next episode.
Of course you know I'm Thai.
Neal is a Thai last name.
Right.
So I've always wanted to
go back and get in touch
with my–
Oh there you go.
There's your motivation.
My family.
No I just took my immediate family and–
Smart, smart.
That's my wife and three
children and that's it.
It's a lot cheaper when
you do that, first of all.
Oh man.
Let me just say,
let me just say, I spent
more money more quickly
than I've ever spent.
Wow.
I mean it was just like, it
was like one of those cartoons
where I saw a cash register just going–
I kept just seeing that in my periphery.
Oh man, yeah,
I guess I spent some money.
Is that what this is about now?
Hey man, I spent money too.
I'm just saying, I've been
thinking about it a lot.
And you know me, I
don't think about money.
Yeah, yeah.
But when you spend
that much money.
That does say a lot.
You have to start thinking about it.
We took the 14 hour plane
ride to, into Hong Kong
and then immediately connected to Bangkok.
It was not the original plan.
I'll get into that in a little bit.
Stayed in Bangkok for a number of days
and then we flew to Chiang Rai which is
the northern mountainous
territory right on the border
of Thailand with Laos and Myanmar
in the Golden Triangle.
We stayed there for
another handful of days.
Elephants, jungle, well,
I won't, mountains.
What I'll call a jungle
but it wasn't a jungle.
What was it, it was trees and–
It was just very…
Lush vegetation?
Lush vegetation.
It's a jungle, it's a jungle.
To me it was but probably
technically it was not.
It was very nice.
What is a jungle technically?
I don't know 'cause I didn't
go to one I don't think.
And then I flew down to Ko Samui.
Ko means island.
Samui is the name of that island.
Ko Samui.
So–
Samui.
So then, so we wrapped up our trip
with just the quintessential beach-front,
hammock on the beach, coconut in hand,
corn cob in other hand if
you follow me on Instagram.
Good gracious.
@linklamont!
So that's how I wrapped it up.
Seven flights, yeah, total to
get around to all those places
once you factor in connections.
Oh.
But who's counting?
Oh my wife is definitely counting
because she has a flight phobia.
And I'm not trying to make light of it,
I'm just trying to do an Oprah impression,
but oh man, she was a champ.
She took it like a champ.
It wasn't easy.
Mm.
When you're coming into that island,
boy we took a little drop
out of the sky a little bit.
Zhoo-bop!
It's like a little–
I will say–
A little free-fall.
The interesting thing about your family,
having someone who has a flight phobia,
you've had a lot more flight
issues than anyone that I know.
Like if you go back through
the stories of being
on a tarmac forever or experiencing
really crazy turbulence.
Yeah, I'm the reason
she has a flight fear.
I just haven't had that,
I probably would be scared
if I'd had a bad experience
but I haven't ever had anything
that I, you know, we're talking about.
Yeah, it is my fault and you know what,
she loves me enough to endure it.
Well that wasn't what I was suggesting
but that's what you're internalizing so–
No I'm just owning it.
Okay.
It's the truth.
You're not–
Somehow it's my fault.
You're not the pilot so, or the airliner,
whoever's fault it is and I don't wanna be
in legal trouble here, just shut up.
So yeah we skipped all around.
We did lots of things.
I got notes here but I don't
want anybody to see 'em
so I'm gonna keep 'em off camera.
I just wanted to seem like
I remember what happened.
Oh you'll know when I'm
referencing my notes.
It's just so I can know when to say what.
Not when to say but what to remember.
One thing I didn't do is shave.
If you like to acknowledge my beard.
I don't know if you're–
Oh well I've–
I don't know if you're threatened.
I've already threatened you.
I've already seen it,
and do I look like I
would be threatened by
a small beard at this point?
Yeah your beard is gettin' large, man.
Yeah right.
That's an in-depth
conversation for another time.
Basically at a certain
point, I'm on vacation,
I'm not gonna shave.
And if I skip two days with travel water
and what it does to my face,
it makes the hairs harder or something.
What?
It's even, it's harder for
me to hack through my beard.
And so I'm hacking it one
day, I'm like you know what–
Travel water?
It's a different consistency, it's like–
Well I know about that, yeah.
With hard or soft,
it's a little different
than my home water.
Well definitely, yeah.
I know about that.
And it makes my hair
on my face–
But sometimes,
theoretically, sometimes it
would make it easier to shave.
It made it harder to shave.
I'm saying in practice–
So this particular travel water–
My razor got clogged up.
So you just say Thai water.
I didn't have a backup.
I didn't wanna put it
on Thai, or Thailand.
No no I'm just saying
that some water's soft,
some water's hard.
You know when you go on vacation
and you start lathering up
and you're like oh the lather's different.
Yeah, yeah.
You're like oh travel water.
I know what you mean but–
Plus I just wanted,
I really just wanted to know how much gray
is on my face now?
Oh well quite a bit.
Yeah.
Yeah I'm getting–
Yeah yeah yeah.
We're in the salt is beating
the pepper at this point.
It's a territory.
Is it really though?
Yeah, oh yeah.
Or is it just the lighting?
The salt is–
I think it's 50/50.
Yeah well I mean maybe
overall but definitely
in the most forward
facing part, right here,
salt is 75%.
And I remember when I first
started to get facial hair,
this is the place where,
the place that's whitest now
is the place where I first
started to get facial hair
and that makes sense.
That's not what happened with
me because I'm getting white
right here and I didn't
start growing the beard here.
On the back corners of your chin, jawline.
Right here and then a
little bit in the middle.
Right under your lip.
Which I will say
that this is probably, well
the mustache is the thing
that came in first for most dudes, so–
My mustache is like–
I've got no gray.
The blackest part.
And it goes down–
Yeah os your theory did not,
not true, doesn't work.
And it's blacker right here.
Did you know that–
In the corners of my mouth.
We'll discuss this–
Looks like I've got like
a horseshoe mustache with a
old man growing around it.
We'll discuss this in detail later but–
How much older do I look?
12 years, the terminal
length of your hair changes
based on how far it is from
the center of your face
so the terminal length of
hair right in the middle
of your face is the shortest.
I've been watching lots
of videos about beards.
Well your hair looks the longest
in the middle of your face.
No no like right here.
So the terminal length of
your hair right there–
Soul patch.
I have not cut or trimmed
the soul patch in 36 months.
And that's the terminal length.
That's as long as it's gonna get.
Have you washed it?
All the time.
Okay good.
'Cause if you're gonna wash anything,
it should be your butt crack
but if you're gonna wash two things,
it should be your butt crack
and then that soul patch.
But it moves, it basically
changes over the course
of your face.
I don't think that applies
to the hair on your head.
But you haven't researched that.
'Cause I don't have
really short hair right
in the middle, well technically
maybe like a widow's peak
is a little shorter.
Anyway I learned that watching
YouTube videos about beards.
You got that baby hair.
We're devoting two
episodes to our vacation
and we're going in depth
about our facial hair
because that's what we care most about.
I can't keep this thing much longer.
It's itching the crap out of my face.
Well you'll get past that
but then you'll have a white beard.
I mean I think–
No.
It'd be cool, it's fine.
I'll get glasses.
I would just like to know,
I would just .
I just really wanted to know
and now I do.
Yeah.
And I'm gonna shave this stuff.
I think when we're done with this podcast,
I'm gonna shave it off.
Oh.
How's the water here?
That's my kinda joke, man.
That's my kinda joke.
That's a very dad joke.
Yeah it's not really.
It's not really a joke.
Well no but it kinda is.
It's a quip.
It was pretty good.
It's a quip, not a sponsor.
Speaking of which–
Well occasionally a sponsor, yeah.
Let's get into sponsors, man,
just to get that over with.
Okay.
Is quip a sponsor because
that would be really cool right now.
Well today the sponsor is us.
These mugs.
Ear Biscuits mugs,
available at Mythical.com
for 10% off.
10% off.
If you want your face to look older,
get a mug and hold it next to it.
If you want your face to
look younger, drink from it.
It's that magical.
And that's not–
Watch if I drink
from it, I look younger, see?
Yeah.
And then when
I move it away–
Whoa wow–
12 years older.
12 years older, yeah.
52, how old are you?
53.
54.
53.
Oh, 53.
I'm 41.
Honestly I think you just,
you look closer to your age.
I'd be charitable and say
that I think most people
would look at you with
that beard and be like,
oh he's prematurely gray.
I don't think they would
be like, oh he's old.
You look at Anderson Cooper,
you don't think he's 72.
You know what I'm saying?
Premature has a negative connotation
in every instance that I
can think of it being used.
Prematurely smart.
Okay.
Yeah, I've never heard that.
Yeah, prematurely graduated.
I've never heard that.
Yeah yeah.
I've heard of a premature–
Early bloomer?
Premature baby, premature–
I'm just saying that I
don't think you look 53.
Emission.
I don't think it adds
12 years to your real age,
I think it gets you closer
to your actual age.
I like the fact that you're
backtracking a little bit
but you're doing it
within the ad that's only
in the video version.
Right.
Well I like to reward the people
who watch the video version.
So for the video version,
Rhett actually thinks
that I look my age, but for
the audio-only version–
12 years older.
12 years older.
Go to Mythical.com.
We don't have to say
Mythical.store anymore.
It's all one thing now.
It's all one thing.
Mythical.com.
Go to Mythical.com.
Get all types of stuff.
Beard oil, we both need that now.
Hey, I could use the beard
oil before I, for once.
Right before you shave it.
Yeah.
I wouldn't advise that.
Oh okay.
All right so let's get into this.
Man, you wanna start?
Where did you land?
Edinburgh.
Edinburgh.
That's how you say it?
Well that's how I say it.
Okay, tell me about it.
Which interestingly ,
Jessie raised an interesting question
while we were traveling throughout the UK,
Scotland and England.
United Kingdom.
Everyone in our group, me included,
had this tendency to when
we were not around locals
as we were talking amongst ourselves,
we would go into our best
accents of the region, right,
so obviously that started
as a Scottish thing
and then by the time we
were just with our family
in England, we were trying to
change the way that we talked.
And Jessie, and I'm not
gonna attempt to do it
because it's not good, I don't have,
it will sound stupid.
Not that I'm unwilling
to do stupid things but–
Do it.
It's okay if you do it.
Aye, aye.
You've got to have some words to go to.
Wards, wards, is that the
word that you go to, word?
Well it helps when–
Word.
What happens is, you'll
be in a conversation
with a local person and
then they'll walk away
and then you'll start talking like,
you'll immediately start talking like them
'cause you just had this
interaction with them
and Jessie was like, do people do this
when they come to America
and we just don't know it?
Well–
Are Americans the worst
at this thing?
Now first of all, I will also
say that for good reasons,
there are certain places
that if you were to do that,
it would just be immediately
labeled as racist.
Right, like for instance–
Well I did it.
I did it in Thailand.
Every time somebody, no, I did not do it.
You did not do it in Thailand.
And I'm not about to do it
because it would be right.
But I'm–
Right?
Right and I don't want
to explore the why's
of what that is necessarily
but it seems pretty obvious
that me as a McLaughlin going
back to, quote un-quote,
my people, I can go back and
I can try to sound like them.
Whatever. There are still some
groups you can make fun of.
I think Scottish and English
people are still two of them.
So but Jessie was like–
But someone from Thailand,
someone with a Thai accent,
I would like to hear them
do a Scottish accent.
Well that's an interesting point.
That's not what I was–
I'm talking about–
Is it wrong for me
to say that?
I'm talking about
the phenomenon of Americans
talking in the British
or Scottish accent, the
English or Scottish accent
when they're in those
places and then do people
from Scotland and England
when they come to America
start talking like hey guys!
You know when our friend
Jaden from Australia does–
Yeah.
Does his American accent
and he always goes into this character.
Which has got to be how they perceive us.
We go into a character.
You don't seem like a Scottish person,
you seem like a character.
Like a cartoon.
That would be in some play.
Aye!
You know?
It was just an interesting
question 'cause I think
that we're probably the
worst at doing that.
Maybe not though.
I know for a fact that many
people that I interact with,
acquaintances or less, not
friends, in Los Angeles,
I will be having a conversation.
People come into the
office who we don't know
and it'll be for a meeting
and I know for a fact
that over the course of the conversation,
they will start to adopt a southern accent
and some people will go
father than others and it–
It happens with southern
accents all the time.
It will seem like an
impression and I will–
This happens with you?
Yes.
This happens with our wives a lot more
than it happens with us.
But I notice that people are doing it
and I think, do they think
that I have been doing
an accent for comedic effect at times
and then they start doing
it for comedic effect.
I think it's just a natural,
I feel like that's a slightly different–
But again, these are mostly Americans
and I'm interacting with them and–
I feel like that's affecting
your accent a little bit
to be even more relatable
which I understand that
and have probably done
that but this is more like
arguing with each other about
who does the best Scottish accent.
Like 12 Americans going around doing
horrible Scottish accents and trying
to say who's doing a better one.
That is, I believe that's
an American phenomenon.
I don't think that 12
Scottish people coming
to America sit around, maybe they do.
Let me know if I'm wrong but–
You're assuming the worst,
let's hope for the best.
Yeah so we started in
Edinburgh and then we…
The way that I kept
characterizing the entire vacation
was this is a sampler
platter of everywhere,
of Scotland and then of England
because any particular place
that we were at we could
have stayed for much longer
and I think that the thing
that kinda wore on me
and even though I tried
to prepare myself for this
was I felt responsible for the enjoyment
of the entire group,
right, this was my idea.
It was your idea.
This was my idea.
I'm paying for it.
Cha-ching.
And I will say big, big thanks to Jenna
for being very involved
in the planning of this.
In fact, there was a runner
that people would do something
like we'd have a good meal
and then my dad would be
like, "Thanks, Jenna."
Even though she wasn't there.
Yeah right.
You didn't invite her
to come, you just–
Right, and she was also
instrumental in planning
your vacation too so a lot
of the specific choices about well this is
where we're going to be
was based on her research
and her kinda planning that out.
Are you setting her up to blame her
for whatever the crap
happened to your mom?
No.
No, because that in
particular was all my idea,
that whole thing.
Oh.
Where that happened.
Okay good.
No but I'm saying that–
Great actually.
Even though I had someone
to help us make the decisions
about what we were going to
do, I still felt like it–
Oh it's on you.
It was all on me
and so I try to be very–
If it goes good,
it's on Jenna, if it goes bad–
I try to be very strategic about okay,
you got 12 people ranging
in age from 10 to like 75.
It's tough what you did, man.
And I told Jessie going in, I was like,
I am already just committing
to not enjoying this.
I know that sounds like
a very pessimistic thing
but I have a tendency
to get really excited
about vacations and always think
that they're gonna be great
and then they can be a little
bit hard or disappointing
and so I just was like,
listen, I'm not doing this
for my personal enjoyment,
I'm doing it for the enjoyment
of the group, which I actually think
that even that was unhealthy.
I should have gone in with very
little attachment to outcome
but, and let me just say,
apart from that thing
that happened to my mom
which I'll talk about, it
was an incredible vacation.
It was great, but there was
this constant pressure of,
we gotta go to so many places.
This sense of FOMO in
every place that we went
and then this like, okay,
I've gotta start planning,
okay I have to tell the group that we need
to be out the door at 8:30
because we really need
to be out the door at nine.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I had to start
kind of adjusting to the way
that the group was going to behave.
Did you carry around a
pole with a flag on the end
that had the McLaughlin standard?
And we didn't all wear
the same neon t-shirts.
It wasn't a family reunion.
How did everybody stay together?
Were you leashed?
I don't even know.
We didn't even do a buddy system.
Just nobody got lost as far as I know.
So give me a rundown of day one
if you're like rattling
through thing thing.
What's the first thing you did?
Okay well, so, the first thing I did,
we met in JFK.
They flew from North Carolina, we–
I'm not really interested in the airport–
Well you're gonna
understand, this is relevant.
I'm not just trying to
start from the beginning.
I made the decision to
get first class tickets
for the adults in the group.
Now there's six adults in this group.
First class international
tickets are expensive.
But I decided to do
this because I was like,
we're gonna fly overnight on Friday night
and I want my parents
especially to be able to sleep
because getting a good
night's rest helps so much
with that adjustment to the time change.
They didn't sleep at all.
My mom may have slept for like 30 minutes
even though we had these lay down seats.
It was like she just
couldn't get comfortable
so right out the gate, I felt
a little bit like a failure.
And also it was like, I
saw that cash register,
I was like oh that was for nothing.
You know.
Did you go over
and lay her seat down, tuck her in?
Nope.
I'd have tucked my mom in tight.
That's the flight attendant's
job or at least my dad's.
But yeah so they didn't really sleep,
neither of them–
Sounds like a lot
of people failed.
Slept very well.
And so we get there, 'cause
my idea was like you sleep
and then you get there and
then we're gonna immediately–
Bagpipes.
Yeah play bagpipes, find
the nearest bagpipe,
start squeezing on it.
Right.
Begin experiencing the
city which we kinda had
to do because you
couldn't get to your room
until like three o'clock which
I think we ended up getting
into one room at like one p.m.
Anyway, so the first day, first of all,
it's just raining, just
torrential raining at times.
What's it rain there, is it like–
Water?
Whiskey?
Travel water.
What do they drink in Scotland?
I don't know but I did
see something that said
today's rain is tomorrow's whiskey.
I saw that a lot of different places.
Hmm well you had tomorrow's whiskey–
They made their whiskey out of rain?
But so I was like, and then
I looked at the forecast
and for both Scotland and England,
if you just look at your quick
weather app on the phone,
it was rain clouds–
Whiskey whiskey whiskey.
Every single day, every
single day, I was like okay.
You were on a downward spiral
emotionally it sounds like.
Well and I immediately
was just kinda overcome
with this we gotta see everything.
Now I wanna talk pretty
extensively about the driving
because that was a thing but
I might throw it back over
to you because that was
kinda my mindset going in
was this weight of responsibility.
I just need to know, do
bagpipes happen at any point?
Just yes or no.
Yeah.
Okay good.
Yeah.
I could not have done
what you did with planning
for that many people.
Based on my report from
London when it was just me,
Christy and Lily, I was a
wreck on the train platform.
I don't wanna rehash
that but I thought about
just having a lottery
about who was gonna go
with me on this trip just to keep it
so I could have a good time.
Just logistically, I love
my entire family equally.
We're planning this thing.
We were gonna go to Hong
Kong for a few days,
Bangkok for a few days and then Chiang Rai
and Ko Samui but then Christy and I
made the collective decision to simplify
and spend more time in less
places so we cut out Bangkok
and we were just gonna stay in Hong Kong
'cause you have to fly
into Hong Kong anyway.
But then there's so much
political unrest in Hong Kong,
for weeks there had been protest
and since it's gotten even more dire.
You've seen it in the news,
sit ins at the airport,
protests all throughout the city
with Hong Kongers basically–
Is that the correct term?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
That's what's all over Twitter.
I just thought you made it up.
No, yeah.
And–
Really?
Yeah, Hong Kongers.
How 'bout Hong Kongians?
Just stay out of it.
I mean I just feel like I
should help, I should help.
Okay well then stay in
in a Scottish accent.
Hong Kongiers.
Oh gosh.
That worked.
I think it was two days,
it might have been 24 hours
before we were leaving,
I don't know exactly
but it was, we were packing,
finalizing our packing
and we make the decision,
there's people getting beat up,
protestors are getting beat up
on the streets of Hong Kong.
Yeah, Hong Kongers, yeah.
A few days before this
so we made the decision
to not stay in Hong Kong at all.
I'd done all this research for Hong Kong.
Oh and it's–
All of this reading,
an amazing city.
You were excited, I know
'cause that was Jessie's
favorite place that she went
when she was over there.
And then we decided last
minute, we canceled all of that
and just booked a hotel in Bangkok
and started finding things
to do in Bangkok like
as we were packing to go
to not Hong Kong anymore.
Turns out we didn't have to
pack anything different though.
So I didn't have to
change that, it was just,
but right off the bat, I'm
discombobulated big time.
Right.
I'm in a totally
different city than I'm gonna be in.
But we get to Bangkok and
we were told from friends
who had been there that
Bangkok is really overwhelming
and there's a river that
runs through the middle of it
and our hotel was on the
river and we were told
you can do a lot of river taxis as opposed
to just doing street taxis
because the transportation is,
the streets are just really
crazy so the more you can just
travel on the river, the better,
I'm like that sounds fun anyway.
So we get there and it's late at night
so we check into the
hotel and we go to sleep,
we get up the next morning,
we're like, all right,
let's do some exploring, day
one we're just gonna kinda,
we're gonna get on this river taxi,
we're gonna go up the
river or down the river.
I don't know which way.
We're gonna get off over here
where the concierge told us
that we could walk around
and we're just gonna start walking around.
Mm.
It was so hot there.
I mean, we had just spent a
few days in North Carolina
the week before filming some stuff
and it was more torturous than that
in terms of the humidity.
It was just–
Yeah, did you wear a tank top?
I was like I wish I had a tank top.
I didn't even have a tank top.
You should have asked me,
I would have told you to pack some.
I don't own one, as a policy.
There's a time for a tank top
and I think Thailand is the place.
I could have gotten one
there 'cause let me tell ya,
they sell everything
everywhere in Bangkok.
We're walking around the main,
one of the main attractions
which is The Golden Palace was closed
because it was the king's birthday.
There's pictures of the king everywhere.
Everybody loves the king!
Do they love him or do
they have to love him?
It seems like they
legitimately love this guy.
Well it's effective propaganda.
When his dad died,
we had a tour guide for another thing
that I'm gonna tell you about.
We got kinda the lowdown on how they felt
about the king and at
least from her perspective,
she was like, "The king and
the queen are like members
"of our family, we have
pictures of them in the house.
"Everyone does.
"And it's not something that's required."
Heard that before.
"It's not something
"that's required," this is her talking.
"It's just how we feel about him."
And when the previous king died,
there was like months of mourning.
He'd been the king from
like being a teenager
until he was like almost 90,
so everybody lived their entire lives
just knowing this guy as their king
and he's like on billboards everywhere.
How long has the new king been the king?
Couple of years.
Oh.
It was his birthday as I said
but when the previous king died,
like all of the programming on
television changed to be sad
or commemorative and
everything was changed to be
in black and white for over a month.
All television shows,
they just put the black
and white filter on it.
If you die, do you want me to continue on
with GMM in black and white
for a month because I'll do it.
Six weeks.
I do not think they worship the king.
I didn't spend too much
time digging into this but–
Okay well.
They're 94%
of the population is Buddhist, okay.
Right.
So that's where
their allegiance lies, okay.
Right, right.
But the king is in the
mix, let me tell ya,
'cause his pictures are everywhere.
Of course the Buddha is
lounging everywhere too.
Yeah right.
Everywhere you go,
Buddha is kicking it.
I mean, there's Buddha sitting
covered in bronze, big ones,
little ones, laying down ones.
I mean Buddha will recline.
Oh yeah, he will relax.
He will, and he'll just–
He doesn't have a lot
of core strength either.
Why you gonna be critical of the Buddha?
No I'm not being critical,
I'm just saying that like,
he's not worried about that.
You know?
You talking about that belly.
I like it.
It's very relaxing to sit like that.
You ever sat like that,
just let it all hang out?
Man I gotta look at my notes
'cause you threw me off, man.
You threw me off talkin'
about core strength.
Now I've told you this story
about last time my dad came
into Los Angeles, we were
driving down the street,
I was taking him back to the airport
and we passed a Thai restaurant
and the sign said Thai food.
Right.
And he said out loud, "Thigh food."
Hmm.
Yeah he did.
And so you may be wondering
if you knew that story,
that's the whole reason I went to Thailand
and I've come to grips
with the fact that I think
the answer is subconsciously
absolutely yes.
Yeah why not?
Because my dad said thigh food,
I was like I gotta go get
me some of that thigh food.
So we're talking around,
it's blistering hot.
The palace is closed, one
of the main things to see.
It's a mile just to walk past
the outside of the palace.
What do you have on?
I have on breathable shorts.
I got some walkable shoes.
Okay so not–
With a nice toe box.
Not open-toed.
No one's doing open-toed.
Yeah, I think Lily is,
she's got some sandals on.
All right.
T-shirt and other things
which I'll get into later.
Okay.
But people are on the street,
the streets are like Target.
The streets are like Walmart,
they're selling stuff
everywhere, street markets.
There's a flower market,
it's like the second largest
flower market in the world
to Holland and they're
like, you go in there,
it's amazing how much
stuff they're making,
floral arrangements that then you can take
to the temples as…
What's the word?
Offering.
An offering.
Thailand is famous for street food.
Oh yeah.
They're like grilling
stuff everywhere.
Anything you can smell and
imagine smelling, you smell.
Anything you can imagine
hearing, you're talking honking,
screaming, grunting, scraping.
You hear it all at once,
you smell it all at once
and you feel it.
You feel everything, you feel the heat.
When someone scrapes you.
Sweat coming out
of places that I didn't
know were places on me.
Right.
And we walked for a long time.
Did you get some of that food?
Just random, hey, let's–
We picked up some stuff,
like oh there's a stand
that's just a bunch of pomegranates
and you can get pomegranate
juice for like 20 cents.
Now is there any concern about–
29 Baht to a dollar.
So it's like oh 1000 Bahts, nothing.
Just going up, there's a lot of places,
you can't just go drink the
juice of the pomegranate,
you'll end up with crazy diarrhea.
But that's not the case here?
Did you look into that, or are you just–
I gotta get back to that
too but I'm gonna say,
I'm gonna say no, not
exactly, that didn't happen.
Okay.
But you had checked on that.
We drank bottled water.
You can't do that in Mexico for instance.
You should–
I didn't really check
on it, I just wanted
some pomegranate juice.
Shrug.
All right good.
It's so hot.
I think somebody's gonna
have a heat stroke.
We're just not used to this.
Right.
My family is wilting
and I'm like oh my gosh,
I gotta find some AC and they do,
there's malls everywhere
too but I was in a place
where there wasn't one of these,
they have these huge indoor
air conditioned malls
that everybody goes to.
So I tried to find one on Google
and we went to this mall and it turned out
to be pretty small but it
was like still three stories
and it kinda felt like a market
kinda thing but it was in,
the same thing as outside
but inside so not the type
of mall that I would picture
just saying the word mall.
But they had a food
court on the top floor.
So we're up there and I'm just trying,
getting an iced coffee and
trying to get people hydrated
'cause it's important.
Right.
And I'm wondering if I'm gonna
get recognized in this land
and lo and behold about that time,
this guy comes up to me.
And it turns out he was a local.
He was like, "Are you from,"
he had a good, he spoke
really good English.
He didn't have that much of an accent.
He was more of a traveled guy but he was
from there originally so
I don't know if he grew up
in Thailand but he lived there now.
And was from there.
And I was like, "Yeah,
I'm him," and he's like,
"Can I get a photo?"
He was super nice and he was like,
"What are you doing here?"
And I'm like–
Yeah.
People tend to ask that wherever you are.
My dad went past the sign in LA.
I was like, "No dude, everyone who's been
"to Thailand has told me it's amazing,
"I've gotta come and so
I'm here and with my family
"and it's our first full
day," and he was like,
"No, why are you here in this food court?"
Right, yeah, I understand
why you're in Bangkok.
It's a major travel destination.
Right, food wasn't bad in the food court.
We recovered and then
we hit the streets again
and wrapped things up
so I can give you more
but what's the next thing
that happened on your trip?
One of the things I was
a little bit worried
about was the driving.
As you may be aware, you drive
on the left side of the road.
Okay.
So I'm worried about
this and it's not just
that I have to drive on
the left side of the road,
it's that I'm driving a
large van, nine passenger,
which that is key for later, van.
So it was like this–
One of those big white vans.
Well it was black.
It was like one of those Mercedes vans
that there's three rows of three seats,
including the front seat is three rows.
I mean it's three seats.
There's a seat in the middle,
we didn't ever use it.
So it's a big van,
driving on the left side
of the road and it's already raining.
And I'm also getting out at the airport
so I'm not like on some country road.
It's like you're immediately in it.
And thrust.
And then and of course I'm driving one van
and my brother's driving an other van.
He's done this before, he's
driven on the left side
of the road in somewhere in
the Caribbean, I don't know.
Oh in the Caribbean.
But he was also like,
he said it wasn't fun
and I was kinda freaked
out most of the time.
I would imagine you're
constantly second-guessing
if you're even in the right place.
If you're going the right direction.
Well let me get to that.
Oh gosh.
So, and then I notice as we
go, we go up to the woman
at the rental car desk,
my brother and I do,
and she's like there's a
big container of wristbands
and the wristbands say stay on the left.
The same kind of rubber
wristbands that we sell.
Oh wow.
That say Mythical on them.
And so she was like, "Take one of those."
So I'm like okay.
That's foreboding.
So I put one on my left hand
and didn't wanna really
confuse myself and–
How could that work?
And then my brother
is like, well no, then they're like,
"Would you like the additional insurance?"
This is always a–
Yeah yeah yeah.
This is just a frustrating question.
I hate that question.
'Cause you're like,
I don't know, I don't think I need it.
You know?
I think because I have my own insurance–
Because my insurance and
then I've got a credit card.
My credit card has something–
Your credit card is
supposed to have something.
It was something on
the fine print of that.
Yeah so I think I'm okay.
I think I'm okay because–
Jenna.
It's expensive.
Figure that out, please.
And also, because of the time change,
all the people that I
need, my lifeline, Jenna,
is sleeping at this point because–
I can't call.
This is like
the morning right?
So I'm just like ah,
I'm just gonna go for it
because I've got the credit
card and my insurance
and of course the
greatest insurance policy
is me as a driver.
Right?
Oh, put that on a wristband.
Put that, okay, so you
put on the wristband.
I'm surprised.
Yeah I put on the wristband.
'Cause that is shame.
No it's not, it's safety.
That's like, why not put
a stamp on your forehead
that said dumb tourist.
Well it's a wristband
so it's a little more subtle than that
but then I get to the car,
and I will say, there was a
Mercedes and there was a Hyundai
and I felt bad about this
but I took the Mercedes.
'Cause I was like I'm paying for both,
the Mercedes and the Hyundai,
the least I'm gonna do
is get the Mercedes.
Okay.
But also I had
to continue on with my
family for another week
and I was like okay.
A Mercedes can is kinda like a–
There's no difference ultimately.
Mine's a little nicer
but really no difference.
The seats have massagers in
'em but there's no difference.
And we get into the vans
and then there's another,
there's a large sticker on the windshield
that says stay on the left.
Stay on the left.
I'm like this must be–
A thing.
This must be an important
thing to remember.
This must be something that
people don't always remember.
If they, something had to happen
before the wristbands and the sticker.
You drive with your lizard
brain a lot, you know?
And also in that picture, in
that thing on the windshield
that says stay on the left
is a picture of a roundabout
and how to enter and
navigate a roundabout.
Oh God.
So I'm like okay,
roundabout.
Was there blood
on the picture?
Was there like–
There was blood
all over the bumper.
So, oh, and then my brother asks the woman
who's showing us to the
car, he sees the wristbands
and stickers and everything, he's like,
"So, I mean, when was the last time
"an American had an
accident with you guys?"
And her face was like
do you really want me
to answer that?
And she said, "This morning."
So I was like oh this happens
and then I'm thinking–
She should have said it's about to again.
And then I'm really thinking
the insurance thing.
I'm like I don't even know if I'm covered.
Oh so you said no.
I could enter into financial ruin.
It's like I'm in a Mercedes van here.
How much does this thing cost?
Hit a Scotsman.
He's gonna sue you.
I get in the car.
I start it up and first
of all, task one is just
to back the car into a different space
so that everyone can load their luggage
into the car underneath this awning.
Please tell me you backed up
and all you heard was a bunch of bagpipes
which you had run over.
No, but it felt so foreign, it really did.
You couldn't even back up?
No no, it was like man there's a whole lot
of car over there.
I'm not used to so much car over there
and there's no car over here.
You know what I'm
saying, this is like wow.
Yeah yeah yeah.
That's a lot to think about
that I haven't thought about over there.
I've never thought about over there.
Now there's where most
of there is, you know?
That's the first thing that happens.
Where I'm thinking about,
there's nothing to think about.
There's nothing there.
But I keep thinking about that.
There's something where
there wasn't something
and there's nothing where
there was something.
That was the biggest
thing and so you're like,
oh, I have to account
for the footage over here
so I don't run into things
with the left side of the car
because I'm on the right side of the car.
I get it, I get it now, yeah.
That's what the brain thinks of.
I understand on paper.
So we get back in, get
everything packed into the car
and then I'm like okay
Cole, this is the address.
This is where we're going,
the address of the hotel.
I'm sure we're gonna get separated.
We can't be trying to be together.
That's smart.
We can't worry about that.
That's the only smart thing you've said.
'Cause someone's going to make a mistake
so forget this whole
staying together thing.
Put the address in–
You hit someone,
I don't wanna see it is
what that is code for.
And mistake number one was I just pull out
of the rental car parking lot
and then I see two large
trucks coming at me–
What?
In two lanes and I'm like,
I'm going the wrong way.
Already?
But hold on, I wasn't on
the wrong side of the road.
I was still in the airport so
I'm not out on the highway.
Okay.
I had gone out
an entrance only thing–
Because I didn't understand that the,
first of all, they have so many–
Don't blame it on the signs.
No they have so many signs that–
You went out the in.
Explain but the sign
didn't say no exit, it just was a symbol
that I didn't understand and
it looked like I could go.
You know what that symbol means?
Well I know now, it
means don't go that way.
Don't enter.
But you know what,
in America it says–
Mind the gap.
Wrong way which, that computes to me.
Wrong way, okay, I won't go that way.
Again, they were going
like five miles per hour
'cause we were all still in the
parking area kinda situation
so I was able to just turn around.
So then–
I go out the correct way
and within 100 yards,
come to my first roundabout, and again,
I haven't read, I didn't do any research.
I had all these plans of like
I'm gonna watch a YouTube
video about adjusting to this.
I'm gonna go on my son's
Forza, is that the name of it?
Yeah.
Game where I'm gonna
drive on the left side of the road.
Of course I didn't do any of
that so I'm just facing it
in the rain, oh, the windshield wipers,
they're on this side.
Of course they are and so I pull out,
I see the roundabout.
I'm like I don't know
exactly what I'm supposed
to do here but I can kinda
see from my directions
that I'm supposed to go around it
and then head off in this direction.
I get into the roundabout and I'm like,
I think that, I'm
looking at the navigation
and then I'm looking at
the roundabout, I'm like,
then I kinda get disoriented
and I just take one
of the spires off of the roundabout.
You just crapshoot.
The one that I thought was the right one.
It was the wrong one and I'm
like I'm already screwing up.
It went into just a self parking lot.
Well that's good actually.
And so which also had another roundabout.
First of all–
In a parking lot?
The roundabouts are
everywhere and let me just say
that after two weeks of doing this,
well I would say, I had somebody tell me
three days, you'll adjust.
I would say it happened earlier than that.
There were no more close calls.
Even the rest of that trip
of driving into Edinburgh,
going through multiple roundabouts,
by the time I got to the hotel I was like,
this isn't going to be that difficult.
It wasn't until we went to the Highlands,
so after being in Edinburgh
for a couple of days
and I basically just drove
to the hotel, left the car,
parked at the hotel and then
took public transportation
all around the city so it wasn't like
I was driving all around the city.
The real driving started when we had
to drive across the country up to Glencoe
which is basically the
gateway to the Highlands
so the Scottish Highlands that you've seen
in postcards and that kinda thing.
Okay.
There's a little town
called Glencoe that is
right inside the Highlands
but not, like you could
go for hours and hours
and hours to go up to
Loch Ness and all that
which we didn't end up doing.
But that trip of driving up there,
driving across the country then
driving into the Highlands,
that was when things got very real
because not only are you on the left side
of the road which I'd
kinda gotten used to,
the roads are like comically narrow.
Ah.
Unbelievably narrow,
like why are they so narrow?
You're asking yourself the entire time.
They got a lot of space, right?
And there's no shoulder at
all on most of the roads
so you know how first of all,
our roads are a little
bit wider than the car.
Especially when I was in the van,
it felt like it was
just as wide as my van–
In America–
And then
there's no shoulder.
If we don't have a shoulder,
there's a sign that says no shoulder.
Yeah.
That's how far we go.
They just let you know
when there is a shoulder.
That's what signs say.
It's the other way around.
But you're driving through the Highlands
and then there's like a
700 year old rock wall
on the side of the road that's
right up next to the thing.
Right up next to the shoulder.
There is no shoulder.
And then there's another
rock wall on the other side.
Oh.
And then there's these semi
trucks, they gotta drive.
They gotta drive up there
to the Highlands somehow.
They're a little bit narrower
than what we would have
in America but they're
still massive, giant trucks
with large trailers behind them
and those guys are basically,
I don't know how they do it,
they're fitting in this very small spot
and then the tourists' buses.
Mm.
Buses and buses of tourists
were coming up, same width,
and then what was happening
initially is I would move over
a little bit just
instinctively to not hit them
and I would hit the little,
I would go off the road.
My left wheel would go off
the road and then I'd be like
and have to get back on.
And then Cole and I were
constantly checking in
with each other and we had both kinda
independently discovered
you kinda have to lean
into the oncoming traffic,
you know what I'm saying.
You just overcome your
tendency to wanna pull away
and you just lean in a
little bit, like my mirror–
Like you–
My touch–
You steer it to 'em or you just–
Yeah yeah–
Your head leans.
You're sort of mentally–
Mentally–
Leaning but you're also
turning a little bit
so you're hugging that line.
And you're grinding your teeth
and you're puckering your anus.
Oh yeah, very very tight the whole time
but I'd say by the end I
was actually having fun
but the biggest difference
that I noticed–
Just embracing death.
There was absolutely
no way that I was going
to fall asleep while driving
because you had to be
so on top of–
Everything was working.
Everything, you were so
engaged, whereas here,
you're just like the road is 40 feet wide,
there's extra lanes, there's
a shoulder that's as wide
as the road itself.
You just basically just go to sleep.
No one's gonna fall
asleep at the wheel there
'cause you're so engaged.
But I–
I'm so glad you didn't hit anybody.
And while I'm up in Glencoe,
I'll move on from driving
and throw it back to you
but while I'm up in Glencoe,
which by the way,
one of the most beautiful
places I've ever seen.
Very much reminded me of Kauai,
a place that you've also been.
Hawaii.
In terms of just these
incredibly green giant faces
of mountains that don't,
there's some that have trees
and some that have no,
there's not a tree on it.
It's one of the most beautiful
landscapes I've ever been in.
And driving through that,
well trying to navigate
and look and enjoy the scenery
but also not run into the tourist bus,
that was a little harrowing.
But while I'm up there
in this little town,
I basically find out
through Jenna that no,
I'm not covered, I don't–
Oh.
My insurance does not cover this.
And my credit card, the fine
print on the credit card says,
has all the exclusions and one
of them is nine plus passenger vans
and I have a nine passenger van.
So I'm up there and I'm
like I got no place to go.
I get to physically go
into one of the locations
so I'm like I gotta make it
into one of these locations
without wrecking.
You're teetering.
But thankfully,
Jenna was able to talk to people
that handle our insurance
stuff and they were able
to get it and basically
give us a temporary policy
until I could get to the next location
so that I would be covered by insurance.
So that put me at ease a little bit
and eventually I was able
to stop at one of the places
and pay the fee but
anyway, I didn't wreck.
Just went off the road a few times,
went the wrong direction
quite a few times.
And here's one hot tip,
going back to the roundabout.
When in doubt on a roundabout,
keep roundin' about,
'cause all you're gonna
do is circle around.
Right.
Don't exit just because.
Well and let me tell ya–
It's a circle.
I am pro roundabout now, in fact–
When in doubt, keep roundin' about.
I'm all about the roundabouts now.
I think that it's a
superior way to navigate
than a traffic light.
Yeah, okay, whatever.
On our second full day in Thailand,
I had signed us up for a
day trip out to Ayutthaya
which is the original
capital city of Thailand.
So it's built in the, I think this was…
Well I know 'cause I'm
looking at this now,
mid 14th century, so 1350,
you're building all of these wats
which is the word for temple,
out there and if you watched
Mortal Kombat the movie, 1995–
Oh, big fan.
The opening scene, fight scene is there.
Oh really?
And man, I gotta tell ya.
I love me some ruins.
Man, you would have loved it here too.
Did you go to Stonehenge?
I told you to go to Stonehenge.
I can tell by the look on your
face you ended up not going.
I didn't go, I have good reasons.
All right, I respect
ya, you had a lot to do.
I have a stone phobia.
Wood man got stone phobia.
So they got this entire city
that was, it was taken over
and it was ransacked but it
wasn't completely destroyed
and so a lot of these, you
can look on my Instagram
for one of my only two posts
was a selfie I took there.
That was a lot of fun to go there.
Like I said, 94% of the
population is Buddhist.
It's actually a requirement for all men
by age 20 to serve as a monk for six,
six weeks?
No, longer than that.
Three months.
Hmm.
But it's voluntary and some
people do it for much less,
maybe even just a day or two.
So that just goes to show you about–
It's required but voluntary.
You have to do it for some length of time.
I think from a practical standpoint–
It's expected.
It's expected.
Okay.
Is how it ends up shaking out, you know.
Yeah.
And there's so many temples.
There's tens of thousands
of temples all over Thailand
and these ruins are ruins of
some of those original temples
that then around Bangkok
you see the modern form
which is basically the same
except very fancy and ornate.
Right.
You can't miss these temples.
Literally they're everywhere, but also,
some of the most famous
things to see in Bangkok,
not in Ayutthaya where we
saw the ruined older versions
of the temples, is to see these temples.
So we didn't go to any of the temples.
It's the thing to do but we didn't do it.
Yeah, we kept saying we're
gonna go visit this temple.
We went on the river and
we would see the temples
from like a block away or something
and they're absolutely amazingly ornate
and I really wanted to see
'em but we just didn't,
there was so much to do
when you factor in shopping
and like–
Air conditioned malls.
After day one and how I burnt
my family and wilted them,
we ended up not walking
around too many temples
or any temples.
Well it's interesting
because the equivalent are
the giant, old ornate churches
of Scotland and England that
we actually ended up going
in quite a few.
Cathedrals?
Yeah so there's St. Giles'
Cathedral in Edinburgh.
Of course we did
Westminster Abbey in London
which I think you had seen as well.
And there is a point where
you're kinda like okay,
this is absolutely incredible,
the level of craftsmanship
in this place is just–
Detail.
Bonkers.
But once you've seen Westminster Abbey,
it's like okay, I'm gonna
go into another one.
It's gonna be, basically
they took the same approach.
I'm not saying that, by the
end of the trip I was like
I don't need to see any more of these
'cause I feel like I've seen it.
But the interesting thing,
and it sounds like you
experienced the same thing.
There's a whole lot of
this sensation of going
into a place and being
like, this place was built
in the year 1050.
This was built in the 11th century
or the 10th century or whatever.
Yeah.
And then you kinda
just be like, man, this place is old.
And you kinda just sit in the oldness.
There's like a lot–
Which is,
that's fun.
It is but I–
Until it's not anymore.
Well no,
we would just do it everywhere, it's like,
this is the oldest bar in all of the UK.
And you go in there and you're like, man,
this place is old.
Yeah.
Nod your head a little bit.
You're like man.
Being in such an old place.
I knew that's how the kids would feel.
That's why, I mean the
temples are a little–
I enjoyed it, I'm just
saying that it's a phenomenon
to just go to an old thing
and just talk about how old it is.
But the ruins were more fun
because you could walk on,
they let you walk on it.
A lot of it you can just walk
on and walk off and stuff
and there was one that
we could still go inside
and again, there's not much
in there but it's like,
and then they've got all
these old Buddha statues
that are like falling apart,
you can see the skeleton
is made out of wood
and it's exposed and then it
used to be bronze, very ornate.
So I really loved Ayutthaya.
That was totally worth the day trip there
and then getting carsick on the way back,
trying to figure out why
my ATM card wouldn't work
for three hours.
Did you straighten that out?
Straightened it out, yeah.
But we took a canal tour.
There's lots of canals
off of the main river
in Bangkok and that was a lot of fun,
being able to see a lot of the houses
and a lot of the temples
that are off of the main drag
and these monitor lizards
swimming in the canals
that are like six feet long
and their trunk is bigger
around than my trunk.
Just swimmin'.
They're not safe, right?
They have venom but they, if they were to,
they might hurt an infant or a toddler.
But they're in the park there.
They'll eat turtles and dead
fish and stuff like that
but it was cool to see 'em.
I thought it was a freakin' alligator
and then it started climbing up the stairs
into somebody's backyard
and it was a frickin' monitor lizard.
I call it a Komodo dragon
but that's not what it was.
Komodo dragons, they're
dangerous for real.
It wasn't a Komodo dragon.
But then that night, that second night,
it hit me.
It hasn't hit me.
Digestively, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
I'm not having any movement.
You talk about getting
the pomegranate juice
or eatin' the street meat or–
How many days?
This was the second,
well the third night.
Right, okay.
Like I have not gone.
That's a problem.
This is like summer camp
all over again.
And I'm, I gotta do something about this.
You didn't take your fiber with you?
Didn't take my fiber with me
because I've been drinking
my breakfast smoothie religiously
with some flaxseed in it
and I don't take fiber anymore.
And I took my breakfast–
Travel though.
Smoothie pack but I
didn't take my flaxseed.
That was a big mistake, man.
Yeah.
And you know, with my
anxiety I think everything–
You gotta remember that
your beard grows in white.
Yeah, everything puckers up.
You gotta worry about that fiber.
Everything puckers up, like you drivin'
on the cobblestone streets
or wherever you were.
So then I'm going down to
the drug store and I'm like,
man, I gotta get the old enema.
I gotta get the–
So you went straight to enema.
Like, I, Christy–
Hold on–
Christy had a bunch of
these stool softener pills.
Yeah there's a few steps before enema.
I'm just saying, there's
a few steps before enema.
For like 36 hours before that,
I had started taking stool softener pills,
like two, three at a time.
Nothing, and I could just
feel that there was like–
Oh gosh.
I was getting bottom heavy.
It's just not good, man.
So we're at the end of,
we're in the middle of the
street and we're trying
to find a pharmacy and
nothing's in English
in the pharmacy and it's
like they're not gonna draw
a picture of an enema so it's like–
You gotta demonstrate.
You take like a Barbie doll in there
and say this is what I–
Yeah I did bring a Barbie doll
so that I could communicate with people.
That's great.
What did you do?
This American going up
with a bit of a Barbie doll
like doing that motion, it's
like what am I asking for?
That's true, you are in Bangkok.
You gotta be careful.
So I brought you back a souvenir
that's very special to me.
Hold on, it's not the turd is it?
Look at that, this is what I found.
Give 'em a little ASMR there.
Now open it, it did
have some English on it.
It's a little pack there.
You want me to open it?
Yeah, it's for you, it's a souvenir.
It's the thing that meant
the most to me on my trip.
Hold that up for the people.
It's a lollipop.
Now this is an infant or baby enema
which is the only thing I could find.
This one doesn't–
What'd you double, triple up on these?
Yeah, the other ones that I bought had
a bald-headed baby's picture
on it so I was like well,
I guess I need to get three so I got three
and I squeezed two up in there first night
and I sat down and they had this,
there was a trash can in front of the–
Hold on, what about the toilet?
I went back to the hotel room,
I sat down on–
You got confused.
I sat on the toilet.
And oh my gosh, nothing, just pain.
Yeah you should have gone
two or maybe three or four.
I went two.
Pain, man, and I grabbed the,
I had this little trash
can, I grabbed that
and I tried to create a
Squatty Potty situation
and then Christy's like
walking in like I need
to wash my face before I go to bed.
I'm like now's not a good time!
How many times–
She's like you look like
you're about to rocket into space.
How many times did you
reference Chip in this?
Oh don't use his last name!
Damn!
Our friend from college who
shall remain last nameless.
Okay.
Chip B.
Okay.
He spent months in China and
then he ate too much rice
and didn't go and–
It's a legendary story.
Oh man, I mean he had like a 12 hour bout
with like, he had a baby.
Someone actually adopted his turd.
After–
It was that big.
He took it to the local adoption agency.
I was so scared that that
was gonna happen to me.
It was a painful night and
then the next day, nothing.
So then the next day, so two days later,
I'm in the same situation again.
I'm gonna quit holding this by the way.
That was not used.
It was in a sealed package.
Yeah, it's still got the top sealed on it
but by the time we got to
our second destination,
we left Bangkok and we went–
So nothing came out.
No it did eventually work.
Oh okay.
But then two days later I'm
doing the same thing again.
It's just like my lower GI–
You're eating a lot of rice, right?
Rice, noodles.
Rice and noodles, yeah,
you gotta balance that out.
Meats.
But–
Not a lot of fiber in any of that.
Not a lot of fiber.
But I became, it's like it shut down.
My intestines just shut down.
They froze.
So these bulbs became very special to me.
And I had to go buy more,
I had to go buy more
and I had to go buy more.
You have to be careful how,
you can't just become reliant on enemas.
Well let me tell ya, by
the moment I got home,
I went up to my toilet,
totally good, totally fine.
It was like my body knew,
it's like my butt knew
when it hit my seat, everything was fine.
You know what–
Just loosened right up.
I've switched to the
fiber, the gummy fibers.
Fiber gummies.
Yeah 'cause you're regressing.
I'm using infant bulbs and
you're using infant fiber.
They taste good, I just took three a day.
No problems, man.
'Cause my diet was a lot of
meat, a lot of meat pies.
And bringing a fiber mix
is, that's problematic
on a trip.
It looks like drugs.
TSA makes you open it
up, tell 'em what it is.
So that was the highlight
of my Bangkok trip
was these little bulbs.
I'll talk about Chiang Rai and Ko Samui
when you talk about your mom.
I'm not saying you're done
with anything else you wanna say here
but I'll save all that
stuff for the next one.
But just to summarize Bangkok for me,
as overwhelming as it was in every way,
I think it was very memorable to,
I felt like we really
experienced the city,
walking around and we did sign up
for a food tour where
a guy walks us around
and gets us to eat food
from places on the street
that we probably wouldn't
have had the guts
to eat on our own.
We ate this papaya salad
that he helped them make it
not too spicy 'cause they could
really torture an American.
Right.
And then we're eating
this pork and rice thing
and everyone's like oh
this is really good.
And then we walk around the
corner to where he got it from
'cause he just brought it
around the corner to us
and it was just a bunch
of pig's feet hanging up.
It was a pig's feet and rice place.
I'm glad we ate it first because–
You've had pig's feet though.
I know but I don't elect to have it.
But it was great.
And then he's like, he
kept taking us on shortcuts
and he would say, "I'm
gonna take you on a shortcut
"through to this next street market,"
and it would be this back alley
where it would just be dark
and rats running everywhere.
He'd be like, "Don't worry about the rats.
"It's very clean here."
The rats clean up everything.
Even the other dead rats and dead cats
that we would see in
taking these shortcuts.
Very clean dead cats.
He emailed me afterward, he was like,
"Please write a TripAdvisor
review," and I'm like,
you know what I'm just–
You thought the dead cats–
I'm just gonna email you
some constructive criticism
about when my family didn't feel safe
but just to help you out but
I'm not gonna do this publicly
or on a podcast.
Yeah right.
And he was gracious for the feedback
but the food was great,
being in Bangkok was a great experience
and I just think that we soaked it in
and then we moved onto more resort life
which I'll get into in
the next installment.
Well I think we can wrap it up there.
I'll cover just a couple other,
other details of things that happened
but it really kinda,
my trip has definitely been
over shadowed so to speak
by what happened to, yeah quit
licking the enema, please.
What happened to my mom
which we'll get into.
But before we go, Rec in Effect.
Something that actually was
very useful on the trip.
It's something that–
Gummy fiber.
Locke pointed out
to me was this website TheTrueSize.com.
Which I know that seems like it could be
a few different things
but what it actually is
is it's a world map.
Let me show this to you.
TheTrueSize.com.
So it's a website where
you type in a country
so I've typed in United Kingdom
and then you can take it
and you can move it all
around the world to see
how big it is compared to
something you actually know.
Oh.
So we had this argument, how
big do you think the UK is
and I said, I think it's
probably from Georgia
to Virginia, I said that
before and of course,
it tells you how big it is.
But it also takes into account this,
I can't remember the name
of, there's an effect,
basically like, okay
Greenland looks massive
on a map, right.
Like the global wrap effect.
Yeah but there's a specific name for it.
I think it's the global wrap effect.
And so let me put in Greenland.
I kinda wanna know how big Thailand is.
Well let me show you this.
So like okay here's Greenland.
It looks huge.
Looks massive but when you bring it down–
Oh it gets, dang.
It gets–
It gets little, man.
It gets tiny.
So basically that effect
that is, it's the whole idea
of you've got a–
Stretching it.
If you try to take the
skin of a globe off,
it won't lay down flat so
basically as things move
towards the poles, they
get exaggeratedly large
on a flat map.
I think Thailand will go
from the bottom tip of
Florida up to Washington DC.
Okay so–
'Cause Thailand's kinda long,
it's got this peninsula down there.
I put Thailand in here.
Let's see Thailand.
T-H-I-G-H.
There it is.
Okay.
Now drag that over to Florida.
Such a redneck thing to do.
How much bigger is Thailand than Florida?
Oh my goodness.
Way bigger.
What, what you're dragging it over the UK.
Where are you?
No the UK's already there 'cause I–
Oh it stays.
You can create a new Pangea.
You see that?
Did you start at the tip of Florida?
No, put the tip of Thailand at the tip of,
there you go, and now did
that go to Washington DC?
It goes almost exactly to Washington DC.
Okay well see, 'cause I've
traveled all over that land.
And of course if you move
it up here to the poles,
I mean look how big it gets.
Look how big Thailand is.
Thailand's as big as Greenland.
It's not.
You're subverting the use of this thing.
Okay, your rec has been in effect, man.
Yeah TheTrueSize.com.
TheTrueSize.com.
For those of you who are very interested
in the true size of a country
and how it coordinates
to where you're at or
other places in the world.
#EarBiscuits, let us know
if you wanna contribute to
the conversation in any way
or correct anything that we said or things
that we should have
done that we didn't do.
I'm sure you wanna do that.
Oh, you should have done this,
it's like how are we gonna feel?
When am I gonna go back to
Thailand now so don't do that.
And then next week, we will
find out what the heck happened
to Rhett's mom.
To watch more Ear Biscuits,
click on the playlist on the right.
To watch the previous
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